


Is It Alright (If I Stay For A Year Or Two)

by Anonymous



Category: The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety Attacks, Bittersweet, Dissociation, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Canon, Projection, Sigyn is a good girlfriend, Trauma, probably??, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27904966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Title from Class of 2013 by Mitski.Loki experiences dissociation and trauma even before she's outright tortured by Odin.
Relationships: Loki/Sigyn (The Bifrost Incident)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21
Collections: Anonymous





	Is It Alright (If I Stay For A Year Or Two)

Nothing was true in Loki’s mind. Not actively, she didn’t see anything that wasn't there - no phantom image of her mentor turned dictator, no sounds of sirens or screams - but the edges of her reality blurred just enough that she felt herself slipping from it. She wasn’t sure how to put it besides that she was distant from her body and that everything she experienced was muffled, she was a few steps behind her own actions and she hated how it felt. Mostly, she tried not to focus on it. Focusing on it led to overthinking, which fed panic, which…

She took a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. If Sigyn or Thor were here, it’d be easier, she thought. Thor was excellent at distraction, if prompted about the right thing he could ramble for hours, twisting from that topic into a new one, and then another. He was one hell of a storyteller when given the chance, but when Loki tried to tell him  _ (tried to thank him, that night at the club when she’d gone so hazy she could barely speak-)  _ he’d laughed it off and tried to hand her a beer. When she reminded him it messed with her medication, he grimaced at his own stupidity and handed her a Sprite (now with extra Sp!) and gripped her shoulder gently. They were siblings, not by blood, but it was the closest word she had. They’d been friends since before they were teens, meeting in Mx. Buchanan’s biology class. Thor was the kind of boy who threw paper across the room to other students, Loki aimed to be a straight A student. Somehow, they clicked instantly.

Sigyn would be as she always was, kind but assertive, reminding her who she was, where she was, that she was her wife, to drink water, to eat - all the basic things Loki could forget. She would hold her close, the pressure grounding and calming all at once, and sing to her. It reminded her of the summer they fell in love, the guitar that played on those worn stone streets and the girl who sang the melodies so sweetly stealing a kiss from the known trickster and dancing with her despite the crowds that stared and cheered. The girl who stole the wallet from her pocket with a wink and a smile. She was so awestruck she almost didn’t care. Sigyn was as beautiful that day as she was today, hair pulled up tight as they planned alongside one another for something that could only be described as a searing, bright revolution.

But no, neither was here tonight. She was alone with an ever dimming mind and slipping grip on what was around her. She tried to categorise, remind herself what was real before she slipped entirely out of it. Dumb, ratty, black leather sofa, cheap grey rug, cracked wood floors… the concentric circle patterns were something she hadn't noticed before. She knew where the floorboards would scratch her if she walked barefoot, she knew the parts that would creak if she so much as bushed against it. She remembered Sigyn laughing at her distaste for it, insisting  _ flaw adds character, dearest.  _ Loki wondered if she would feel this way if she saw her now, tracing her foot over that one consistent break in the floor. It had always been there, right? Of course it had. It had to have been, but she couldn’t pinpoint the exact day, or even year that she saw it. It had to have been there. It was real. It had to be.

She glanced up at the clock, nearly an hour had passed. It almost sent her spiralling again, into panic and shame and fear. It couldn’t have been that long, it  _ couldn’t.  _ Still, part of her mind was in the past, with Odin, the only woman she trusted, pinning her to the ground so she couldn’t breathe. She was  _ her  _ protege,  _ her  _ genius and she wouldn’t be leaving. Loki would help Odin build the track whether she wanted to or not. It hurt. She loved Odin like the mother she never quite got to have, she  _ loved  _ her despite all the horrible things she’d done to her. She was going to leave in a few weeks, she reassured herself, then she would be safe. Then she would be free. For now, Sigyn’s voice pulled her from the worst of the fog.

“Loki dear?” She asked, no panic tinging her voice. Sigyn did her best work at times like this. “Are you with me?”

Her own hands were shaking, that was what Loki noticed first. She balled them into fists in an attempt to stop them but to no avail. She was laying on the floor, soft teal blanket pulled around her. She couldn’t remember how she got here. She didn’t remember  _ when  _ she got here. Sigyn must have noticed the brief anxiety that flashed across her face as she immediately launched into explaining. 

“You were just… sitting on the ground when I got back, you kept mumbling that you were sorry but…”

“How long was I gone?”

“Few hours, I was going to make food.”

“Aw, for your favourite lunatic? You shouldn’t have, babe!”

Sigyn scowled at that but Loki was grinning despite the haze that still clouded her reality. She wanted her fiancée to be happy, that was all she ever wanted. Sigyn was the kind of woman who brought light to a room and music to a life. She deserved so much better, Loki thought.

“Stop that.” Sigyn said.

“What?”

“I can feel the self judgement. None of that. Do you know why I love you?”

“No.”

“You are strong, vibrant,” With each new word she kissed Loki, from hand to cheek “Creative,” forehead “Beautiful woman.” She kissed her lips, just gently. “You don’t know how lovely you are.” She held her hand tight, the pressure grounding and all too familiar, the gemstone on Loki’s engagement ring pressing into the palm of her hand. A small smile creeped its way onto her face. “And I cannot wait until the day I can call you my wife, Loki.”

Something in Loki’s heart swelled as she pulled Sigyn close. Things weren’t perfect of course, they never would be, but she had her by her side and so she knew she could tackle anything that came her way. The hug lasted minutes longer than it probably should have, but neither wanted to end it. With one another is the only place they needed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off my own experiences and is mostly a vent but any and all feedback is appreciated.


End file.
